Hall of FameHall of Fame  Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp  chatChat
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin
Learn about Islam
 Whyislam.org Forums : Learn About Islam : Learn about Islam
Message Icon Topic: Caring for the Elderly Post Reply Post New Topic
Page  of 4 Next >>
Author Message
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Topic: Caring for the Elderly
    Posted: 27 July 2009 at 9:46am

Why is caring for the elderly among the most important teachings in Islam?

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), was a pioneer in this field. He taught caring for the elderly irrespective of sex, color, or religion, and he himself set a great example in practicing the principles he taught.

In a sound hadith, the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

"If a young man honors an elderly on account of his age, Allah appoints someone to honor him in his old age." (Hadith in At-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet, peace be upon him, aso said:

He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and esteem to our elderly. (Hadith in At-Tirmidhi)

The above quotes are from an article titled "The Prophet's Mercy Towards the Elderly"

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1181062629966&pagename=Zone-English-Living_Shariah%2FLSELayout

And the answer to the question above is that caring for the elderly is an important sign of mercy in the heart, and God commands us to care for those in need. When a person become elderly and loses strength and health, he needs people to take care of him, and in a caring society this is a very important foundation.

 

Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
a well wisher  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 8664
Forum Rating: 0
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 27 July 2009 at 11:13pm
Great Thread Brother Tarek....Jazakh Allah Khair...
 
Islam strongly emphasizes caring for the elderly and respecting them...the exhortations on this subject are innumerable...the discrepancy is between our faith and deeds....we all need to start owning up to our responsibility as a muslim...after all caring for the elderly is an act of heart...anyone who possesses a pure heart can see that it is a self perpetuating cycle...he who respects will gain respect in the long run and if death does not overcome us...all of us will age...likewise our elderly have given us the wisdom and paved the road for us ...the least we can do is be kind if not generous like them...
 
"He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect our old ones.”Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
 


Question:

How are the elderly treated in Islam? Do they have a special status? Do they receive care that suits their health needs?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam is the religion of compassion and justice, a religion that teaches perfect morals and forbids bad conduct, a religion that grants man his dignity, if he adheres to the laws of Allaah.

There can be no doubt that Islam has given the elderly a special status, as there are texts which urge Muslims to respect and honour them.

Care of the elderly in Islam is based on a number of focal points, including the following:

1 – Man is an honoured creature and has an honourable status in Islam.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And indeed We have honoured the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with At‑Tayyibaat (lawful good things), and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preferment”

[al-Isra’ 17:70]

So the elderly, as sons of Adam, are included in this high status, based on the general meaning of this verse.

2 – Muslim society is the society of mutual compassion and coherence 

 Allaah says, describing the believers (interpretation of the meaning):

“Then he became one of those who believed (in the Islamic Monotheism) and recommended one another to perseverance and patience, and (also) recommended one another to pity and compassion.

They are those on the Right Hand (i.e. the dwellers of Paradise)”

[al-Balad 90:17-18]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described the believers as being like a single body. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the body; if one part of it complains, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever.” Narrated by Muslim, 2586.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 13.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Most Merciful has mercy on those who are merciful. Be merciful to those who are on earth so that the One Who is in heaven will have mercy on you.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1924); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1569.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The relationship of the believer to the people of faith is like that of the head to the body; the believer is pained by the suffering of the people of faith just as the body is pained by the suffering of the head.” Narrated by Ahmad, 32370); narrated by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 1137.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Man is doomed and a loser if Allaah does not put compassion for mankind in his heart.” Al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (456): its isnaad is hasan.

3 – The Muslim society is a society of cooperation and mutual support

Ibn Abi’l-Dunya narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The most beloved of people to Allaah is the one who brings most benefit to people, and the most beloved of deeds to Allaah is making a Muslim happy, or relieving him of hardship, or paying off his debt, or warding off hunger from him. For me to go with my Muslim brother to meet his need is dearer to me than observing i’tikaaf in this mosque – meaning the mosque of Madeenah – for a month… whoever goes with his Muslim brother to meet his need, Allaah will make him stand firm on the Day when all feet will slip.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 2623.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever relieves a Muslim of one of the hardships of this world, Allaah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever helps one who is financial difficulty, Allaah will help in this world and in the Hereafter, and whoever conceals a Muslim’s (fault), Allaah will conceal his (fault) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allaah will help a person so long as he helps his brother.” Narrated by Muslim, 2699.

4 – The elderly person has a high status before Allaah if he adheres to the laws of Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes to him, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end, and nothing increases a believer’s lifespan but good.” Narrated by Muslim, 2682.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you who is the best of you? The best of you is the one who lives the longest life, if he is righteous and does good deeds.” al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (2498): it is hasan li ghayrihi.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who live the longest and do the best deeds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3263.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one is better before Allaah than a believer who lives a long life in Islam because of his saying Subhaan-Allaah (tasbeeh), Allaahu akbar (takbeer) and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah (tahleel).” Narrated by Ahmad, 1404. al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (654): its isnaad is hasan.

Al-Tirmidhi narrated (2329) that a Bedouin said: “O Messenger of Allaah, who is the best of people?” He said, “The one who lives a long life and does good deeds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1899.

5 – Respecting the elderly and honouring them are characteristics of the Muslim society

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of glorifying Allaah is honouring the grey-haired Muslim.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4843; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 4053.

An old man came wanting to see the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the people did not make way for him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect our old ones.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1919; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1565.

6 – Ways in which the Muslim society takes care of the elderly

(i) Enjoining good treatment of parents:

This is one of the ways in which the elderly are cared for in Islam, because parents are usually elderly.

The command to honour one’s parents is accompanied with the command to believe in Allaah alone (Tawheed) and the prohibition on associating others with Him (shirk) in many verses, for example Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:36]

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents”

[al-Isra’ 17:23]


It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Which deed is most beloved to Allaah?” He said, “Prayer offered on time.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Then honouring one’s parents.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.” He told me that if I wanted to ask him more, he would tell me more.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 527.

(ii) Enjoining honouring one’s parents’ friends even after the parents have passed away, and regarding that as part of honouring one’s parents.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of honouring (one’s parents) is to keep in touch with your father’s friend.” Al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (23030): it is saheeh when all its isnaads are taken into consideration.

Muslim (2552) narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that a man from among the Bedouin met him on the road to Makkah. ‘Abd-Allaah greeted him with salaam, made him ride on the donkey that he was riding and gave him the turban that he had been wearing on his head. Ibn Dinar said: We said to him, May Allaah guide you, they are just Bedouin and they are content with something simple. ‘Abd-Allaah said: The father of this man was a close friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab and I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “The best way of honouring one’s parents is for the son to keep in touch with his father’s friends.”

Some of the salaf even used to travel in order to keep in touch with their father’s friends.

Ahmad (26998) narrated that Yoosuf ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Salaam said: I came to Abu’l-Darda’ when he was sick with the illness that would be his last, and he said to me, “O son of my brother, what has brought you to this land?” or “what has brought you?” He said: I said, “Nothing except to maintain the tie (of friendship) that existed between you and my father ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Salaam.”

This is one of the forms of elder care in Islam. When the members of the Muslim society visit the friends of their fathers they help to include the elderly in society and put an end to the isolation they feel, which in turn reduces impact of the social and psychological changes that the elderly go through.

This is unlike what happens in non-Muslim societies. From time to time we hear news of what happens to some of the elderly there, and the extent of the isolation in which they are living.

There was an old man who was left dead in his apartment for four years, and his body was only discovered by accident. Al-Jazeerah newspaper, issue no. 7751, 7/1414 AH.

In a report from the Ministry of Families, Youth and Seniors in Germany in 1993 CE, it says that there are 440,000 elderly people who are subjected to physical and mental abuse at the hands of their relatives and family members at least once each year.

There was an old paralyzed woman who died of starvation in her apartment because her son had cut off her water, electricity and gas, until the neighbours found out what was happening… but after it was too late.

And an elderly man died in his flat in London; he had five children but not one of them knew of his death until six months later.

There was an old woman in Germany whose house had a garden which was very beautiful. She took care of it all year round for the sake of only one day each year when her children came to visit her, because she loved them so much but they ignored her. She prepared the garden for them one day and made delicious food for them, then she was shocked when they made excuses and did not come. She wept a great deal and nearly cried herself to death.

In one of the upper-class areas of Tokyo an elderly man was discovered in his apartment one and a half years after he died. And an old lady was found who had died of starvation in her apartment.

Even stranger than that is the elderly man who was over ninety years old, and no one knew that he had died for five days after his death. What is so strange is that he died in a seniors’ home in the city of Sabor on the island of Hokkaido, and none of the workers in the home realized that he had died until some of his relatives came to visit him and they found out what had happened.

Praise be to Allaah for the blessing of Islam.

And Allaah knows best.





Edited by a well wisher - 27 July 2009 at 11:33pm
La ilaha ill-Allah, Muhammadur Rasulullah
No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 28 July 2009 at 1:59pm
Care and support for the elderly is a very important issue in the context of today's modern world, and the examples you mentioned of elderly people living on their own are indeed sad examples
 
The average age in countries like Japan has increased to around 82 years, and in countries in Europe like Italy and Germany there is a serious imbalance expected to happen in the areas of pensions and health care due to the aging populations
 
Islam has many important guidelines on caring for the elderly, including those posted above, but the younger generation often forget that one day we will be in their situation, as explaioned in this IOL article:
 
Mercy: Rights of the Elderly
 
Often young people do not really notice the elderly people. They are largely focusing on their own lives, trying to find the right career, get married, look "cool," own a fancy mobile phone or car, or observe the latest trends of fashion. Unfortunately, young people do not always think about those who raised them up and assisted them in facing life challenges and reaching what they are now.
 
Some young people might say that they are good to their parents, but they never pay any attention to other elderly people who are lonely or neglected. However, because some elderly people do not have children or someone who can look after them and because others have children who do not care, the youth who have good health and energy should fill this gap and be there for those people.
 
This is significant to keep in mind because one day, we, the young people, will grow old, and if we are not kind now, then maybe when we are older, people will turn their backs to us. At that time, we will know how the elderly feel. In fact, it is so hard to be lonely, especially when one is old
 
When the elderly people were young, they had lots of dreams and goals in this life, part of which were to care for their children, us. For this, they worked day and night, saved their money, made many sacrifices, and spent the best years of their lives thinking about us, planning our lives, and helping us to know our way and target.
 
Maybe some elderly people look at their children and think, "How selfish they are!" Maybe some others say, "How blessed we are to have them!" Think for a while about what the elderly people whom you know think about you. Have you bothered to find out?
 
Memories and Benefits
 
If the youth gave the elderly people more of their time, the lives of the elderly would be enriched. If you draw closer to the elderly people, you will be able to benefit from a lifetime experience. You will be able to hear stories and understand different perceptions of life. You will get to better understand the world — how the world came to be the way it is now.
 
Two years ago, I had the chance to meet my grandmother. I had not seen her since I was about three years old, and I did not really remember her. Then, when I met her after all these years, it was really exciting because she told me about situations, times, and places that I could not even remember. She helped me to comprehend myself a lot better, and she made me feel that I belong to a larger unit — a family.
 
In fact, if we neglect the families, the elderly, and the poor, our hearts will be like empty shells that cannot feel or sympathize with others in need.
 
Helping the elderly is not only supporting them financially but also supporting them psychologically, as this is very significant. They need to know that they are still needed, valued, appreciated, loved, and cherished. It is about sitting down and talking to them, asking for advice, and being an active part of their lives.
 
OK, so you are convinced now and you are ready to help and care for the elderly. But the question that spurs the minds of various youth is "how can we help the elderly?"
Remember that charity begins at home. So, look at your own elderly people in your family. They might be your grandparents, your aunties, or your uncles; start with them, and just try to be nice to them. Remember also that charity can be just a warm smile.
Then there are the elderly people in your community. If you know a lonely old person, go and visit him or her. You can also ask your family to invite him or her for dinner.
 
Then there are those awful places that are often found in most cities around the world — the old folks' homes. They are most often filled with elderly people whom no one cares about.
 
The elderly people there might not get any visitors for months and sometimes for years. So, why don't you be the one who visits them? You can also round up some of your friends, buy some nice gifts, and make a visit to them. Although these can be simple and symbolic gifts, they can have a great, positive impact upon their hearts.
Or, if you have a relative in these old folks' homes, go and visit him or her, and while you are there, have a chat with the other elderly people, too.
 
And now, let me ask you, don't you think that the elderly deserve our mercy and kindness?
 
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&pagename=Zone-English-Youth%2FYTELayout&cid=1203758462233 
 
Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 29 July 2009 at 1:25pm

A Sign of Reverence for Allah

Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"It is out of reverence to Allah to respect the white-headed (aged) Muslim." (Abu Dawud; ranked hasan by Al-Albani)

In the hadith above, the Prophet considered respecting the elderly a way to show reverence for the Almighty. He linked reverence for the Creator and His creatures with veneration of the All-Powerful and the weak elderly. The hadith implies all kinds of respect and care for the elderly: Health care, psychological care, social care, economic care, ending illiteracy, providing education and other forms of care that the international community calls for today.

In one hadith, the Prophet disavows those who do not venerate the elderly and considers them alien to the Muslim society:

He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and esteem to our elderly. (At-Tirmidhi and Ahmad; authenticated by Al-Albani)

Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 30 July 2009 at 11:51am

Paradise is at the Feet of Mothers

A man once consulted the Prophet Muhammad about taking part in a military campaign. The Prophet asked the man if his mother was still living. When told that she was alive, the Prophet said:
 
"(Then) stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."
 
(Hadith in Al-Tirmidhi)
 
Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
a well wisher  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 8664
Forum Rating: 0
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 30 July 2009 at 12:26pm
Sh. Yasir Qadhi-Uncomparable Love.

 
 
May Allah (swt) reward Bint AbelHamid for doing the transcription.
 

In one of our classical books of history and narrations, it is mentioned that once, Abdullah ibn Umar was doing tawaaf around the ka’bah as an elderly person, many years after the death of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam. And he saw a man doing tawaaf around the Ka’bah who had a very old lady on his back. He was doing tawaaf carrying this lady on his back. And when the man saw ibn Umar, he rushed up to him, recognizing who he is, and he said, “Oh ibn Umar,” oh son of Umar ibn al-Khattaab, “Oh ibn Umar, this lady on my back is my mother.” This lady is my mother. “And she had a desire to go do Hajj. And I live in such and such a province,” and he mentioned a far province in the Muslim lands, “And I could not afford a mount.” I could not afford an animal, I could not afford to bring her in any other means except by carrying her on my backwalking from such and such a village. “Oh ibn Umar, have I done my duty as a son?” Is the scale now equivalent? Have all of the good deeds that the mother did, have I now recompensed her the way that she deserves?

Ibn Umar responded: “You have done nothing in return.” You’re proud and boastful about this? You have done nothing, your deeds are not worth anything in the scale! You’re comparing a scale of what your mother has done to what you have done back to her?! He says, “You have done nothing in return. But you have done good, and Allah will reward you.”

The man said, “Oh ibn Umar, I have traveled from such and such a province,” what do you mean I’ve done nothing? “I have traveled from the furthest lands, carrying my mother on my back - and you say I have done nothing?” Ibn Umar said – and listen to this psychologist, listen to the profundity of the response that he gave to this man, listen to it and understand it and apply it in your daily lives – he said: “You have done nothing because: when she sacrificed everything for you; when she did everything that she did for you – she gave up her time, her pleasures, her health – she gave up everything she had to raise you as you are – she did it out of a pure love and joy – wanting to see you flourish, waiting so you grow up and you live a full healthy life – she did it for your life - and now that you do it in return, you are waiting for her death – doing it as a pity – doing as an equivalent, doing it in return for the favors – you’re not doing it to see her flourish and live. You’re doing it as a sense of guilt, trying to pay back what she’s done, and waiting for her death, so she is literally off your back.”

The psychology of what she did versus what you are doing are completely separate! How can you compare the two? And how true, how profound is the statement of ibn Umar! When the child is raised by the parents, when the mother and father give everything that they have: their money, and their health, their wealth, their beings,everything. When they give to this child, what is the motivation of the parent? The parent wants to see this child flourish and live! They will literally give their lives for this child to live.

But when the child becomes old, and the child is entrusted to take care of his or her parents, the same emotions are not felt. The same patience is not there, the same love and tenderness, completely absent. And [for] this one reason, ibn Umar said: you cannot compare the two.

Oh Muslims, many are the khutbahs that we have heard about the rights and status of parents in Islam. Many are the ayaat and ahaadith that outline this very very important relationship. How often have we heard them? But have we truly acted upon them? Have we truly understood the role of parents and the status that Allah ‘azza wa jel has given them? And it is not just in our religion, it is not just with the coming of the Prophet Muhammad salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, no! Allah says in the Qur’an:

وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ

When Allah took a meethaaq from the children of Israeel – from the most ancient civilizations -

لاَ تَعْبُدُونَ إِلاَّ اللّهَ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَاناً

- “Worship none but Allah, and show ihsaan to your parents…” (2:83) -

From the earliest civilizations, Allah ‘azza wa jel took a meethaaq – do you know what a meethaaq is? It’s a covenant of the highest order! It’s a treaty that should never ever be gone against and contravened. It is a treaty between Allah and man. That is what meethaaq is. And what are the conditions of this meethaaq? Allah mentions many in the Qur’an – but the first two in every single series of verses that talks about it, the first two: worship Allah; number two: be good to your parents.

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

- “Your Lord has decreed” – such is the decree of Allah, such is the commandment of Allah, pay attention and heed – “Your Lord has decreed: that no one shall be worshipped except for Allah, and that you be good to your parents.” – (17:23)

This is the decree of Allah – the eternal decree of Allah: be good go your parents.

What does it mean, be good? Allah mentions the word ihsaan. Ihsaan is the highest level of good. There is no level, there is no word in the Arabic language that gives the meaning of ihsaan. And the famous linguist of the Arabic language by the name of al-Raaghib al-Asfahaani, very famous ‘aalim of the Arabic language, he said that ihsaan is a state. It is not an action – it is not a deed, it is a state of mind, it is a frame of relationship, in which you give the most that you can, and you expect the least in return. You give your utmost being, this is what ihsaan is. You do everything you possibly, physically, spiritually, emotionally, can. What do you want back from the party? The least amount: nothing. You do it out of ihsaan. That is what ihsaan is.

Your rewards are not with your parents, your parents are not going to give you anything back – no. You do what you do, you give them the most - and you expect the least back. And had there been a word higher that ihsaan, Allah would have used it.

Notice in these series of verses – verses that you have all heard, all read, numerous times: “Your Lord has decreed that you shall worship none but Him and that you have ihsaan to your parents” (17:23 ). “If either of them or both of them,” Allah says, “If either of them or both of them reach old age,” and you are in charge of them – it is a blessing that they are old and you are alive, it is a blessing – many have been deprived of this blessing – if either or both of them have reached this age whereyou’re in charge of them – what does Allah say? You all know:

 

فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ

- “Don’t say uf…” (17:23) -

What is the meaning of “uf”? Uf – two letter word; smallest letter, smallest word in the Arabic language that as a meaning: uf. Uf means: you are irritated. It’s the equivalent of “tsking” in English, or saying “ouch” when you’re hurt. The smallest indication, the slightest indication, that you are irritated is said by uf. The scholars of tafseer say: had there been a word that was less trivial, Allah would have used it here.

So the first verse uses ihsaan, the second versus uses “uf.” Ihsaan, the peak; uf, the lowest, but of what? Of what? Profound, brothers and sisters, think about this: Allah ‘azza wa jel said: “Don’t say uf to them” – meaning, don’t show and express your frustration and anger.

If Allah ‘azza wa jel had said to us, don’t become irritated, don’t be angry, don’t befrustrated, Allah ‘azza wa jel would have commanded us with something we could not bear. It is human nature to get frustrated, especially at elderly parents. It is human nature to get angry, it is human nature to get irritated. Allah knows this. So Allah did not oblige us that we don’t get angry, we don’t get frustrated, we don’t get irritated – no. He obliged us with something that is well within our capabilities. Don’t say, don’t express, don’t show, don’t outwardly give the impression that you’re irritated. Feel what you like in your heart, control it, be a man – control it:

فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا

- “…and don’t speak to them in a harsh manner…” (17:23) -

Notice, Allah ‘azza wa jel has created us, He knows how difficult it is, not just to take care of children, especially to take care of parents. He knows how difficult it is. So Alah ‘azza wa jel put upon us a condition and a rule that is well within our limits: feel what you like; don’t express it, don’t make it outward, don’t show it to them.

وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا

- “…say to them beautiful, generous speech…” (17:23) -

Say to them sweet things. Kareem: be generous in your speech to them. “And if they ask you,” Allah goes on in Surat al-Israa, “If they ask you for more that you can give” – if they ask you for things you don’t have, Allah ‘azza wa jel says,

فَقُل لَّهُمْ قَوْلاً مَّيْسُورًا

- “…give them optimistic phrases…” (17:28)

“In sha’ Allah, I’ll try,” “in sha’ Allah, we’ll do that,” give them hope, give them encouragement. Allah ‘azza wa jel is saying, even if they want more that you can give – don’t get irritated, don’t get angry – give them good speech, give them optimism, fill them and their hearts with joy, just like they had done for you when you were a child.

وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

- and make du’aa for them, “Oh Allah, have mercy on them as they raised me…”(17:24) -

… Because they have raised me, due to the face they raised me, just as they raised me, all of these meanings are encompassed in “كما”. Beautiful speech here, we cannot go into too much detail, beautiful speech of Allah that Allah ‘azza wa jel is giving so many profound meanings: because they have raised me, just as they have raised me, due to the fact that they have raised me, oh Allah have mercy on them, because of what they have done for me.

Oh Muslims, much can be said about the verses in the Qur’an and the ahaadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam about treating the parents. But I want to mention an aspect that perhaps some of us have not appreciated. It is a psychological aspect, it is an aspect that I only came to realize when I became a parent, and so I primarily talk to those who are not yet parent, or are still new parents: you will not understand the love that a parent has for a child until you yourself have you own child.

You will NEVER understand that it means to love somebody until you become a parent. You will never understand it. You never ever have a relationship, have a feeling for any human being, like you do for your son or daughter.

No matter who that person is – many of you who are still young, you have this idealistic concept of loving the opposite gender and getting married to them – ask anybody who’s gone beyond that stage. Ask anybody who knows that truth – that type of love, it is a selfish love. Why is it a selfish love? Because you want something back in return. It is a love of give and take – it is a love of fights along with good, there’s good and there’s bad. Your most painful moments and your sweetest moment will be with your partner. This is a part of life.

But the love of a parent? The love of a mother? The love of a father? This is unselfish love, unrestricted.

You want to give up everything you have to bring a smile on that child’s face. You go to work, and you are motivated in your work to bring home some food to your children, to give an income to them – you will give up your life’s savings for their education. THAT is what you call love!

No human being feels that type of love for another, except a parent for the child. And when you think about it, and when you experience parenthood, you understand the POWER of Allah’s creation, for verily, I swear by Allah, if the parents did not have this love for this child, no child could live on the face of this earth.

A child is given to you. A child will be handed over to you, and you will be told, this is your baby, this is your child, you are responsible for it, you have to take care of it. This child will take up most of your time, most of your energy, most of your wealth, yourliving will become dependant upon this child, your entire life will change because of this child. The amount of sacrifice you must do cannot be measure in words, cannot be measured in figures, cannot be measured in quantities. Those who have children and are growing up with them, they know what I’m talking about – and yet you have not experienced everything, because your children are still growing up with you.

Your parents have done that for you. Your parents have done that for you, and you don’t even realize it, because when you become an adult, you “know it all,” you’re the one who thinks they know better than their parents, you’re the one who wants to leave the nest and become independent. And you don’t realize that a mother’s love, a father’s love – once you leave that nest, it will never by the same. Once that parent goes away as well, you will never have that opportunity again.

Oh Muslims, this is the beauty of the cycle of life – that Allah ‘azza wa jel blesses all of us with parents. And then He blesses some of us with children, and those children grow up, and some of us are still alive. Some of us have our parents alive when we grow up – that’s why Allah says in the Qur’an: “If one or both of them are alive, take care of them” [17:23], because some of us don’t have that luxury.

One of the companions, famous companions, his mother passed away, and he was crying… greatly. So some of the other sahabah tried to console him, and they said: it’s alright, she is in jannah in sha’ Allah, she’s forgiven. They tried to console him. And he said, “Do you think I’m crying because she died? Of course I’m sad because she died, that’s not why I’m crying.”

Notice how the sahabah view things and how we view them. He said: “I am crying because my door to jannah has been shut! And I don’t know if I got in or not.” She was my door to jannah! That’s why I’m crying. My door to jannah has been shut. I don’t know – was I a good enough son?! I don’t know – did I do what I needed to do?! There’s no other way for me except through her.

And he quoted, or he paraphrased an authentic hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam when he said that the parent is the LARGEST door to paradise; the parents is the middle door to paradise, the parent is the MAIN door to paradise. It’s an authentic hadith.

So the sahaba understood this. The death of a parent was not just a personal loss. It was a religious and spiritual loss as well: I don’t know whether I made it in or not…

A man came to Ibn Abbas, and he said: I have done this and I have done that, I have done this and I have done that. He listed a whole long list of sins, and he had just repented and come back to Islam. He said, “What can I do now?” Ibn Abbaas said, “Are one of your parents alive?” He said, “Yes, my mother is alive.” Ibn Abbaas said: “Go stick to her – go at her feet” – go service here – go give everything you have to her – “because I know of no other deed that forgives the amounts of sins that serving your parents does.” No deed can take that place of cleansing an entire life of evil, cleansing an entire lifetime of disease, than being good to your parents. Go to her, and give you entire body and soul to her – bring to her that happiness and joy, and that’s your only hope that I can see for you.

And he’s basing this as well on many ahadith of the Prohet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam.

A man came to the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, and he said, “Ya rasool Allah” – this hadith is in Bukhari – “Ya rasool Allah, I have come from Yemen” – the furthest corners of Arabia, nothing further than Yemen – “I have come from Yemen, in order to be with you!” He has now become a sahabi – he has elevated his rank in history by visiting the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam! “…in order to be with you, and do jihad behind you. And in order to do so, I had to leave my parents crying at my loss and departure.”

He’s trying to boast, he’s trying to brag, he’s trying to show his status: I want to do this, and I even left my parents crying, in order to come here.

The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam asked him: “Do you want jannah?” Meaning: is that your goal? You want the pleasure of Allah? He said: “Yes.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said: “In that case, go back to them now, GO BACK TO THEM and make them laugh, just like you left them cry.”

Meaning: you want jannah and you have done this? You want jannah and your own parents are not happy with you? You will not be able to earn jannah in any other way! Brothers and sisters, this man left everything to come to the Prophet of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, he left everything to do jihad behind the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, and the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam is saying, you want jannah? Go back to your parents, and be with them! Make them laugh like you have made them cry!

Do you understand the rights of the parents? Do you understand the Prophet of Allah is saying: do you really want jannah and you’re coming to me? You’re coming to me to do jihad with me, and your own parents need you? He told that man to go back to his parents, and make them laugh like he had made them cry.

Oh Muslims, the status of parents is something that transcends even religion. Generally speaking; generally speaking, if a man or a woman is abusive to Islam, cursing Allah and His Messenger, we leave him alone – we don’t associate with him. There’s only one exception, and that exception is the parent. That exception is the parent.

Allah ‘azza wa jel says: even if your parents try to force you to idolatry,

وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ

They’re forcing you – they’re physically trying to shove you down in front of an idol – emotional blackmail, spiritual blackmail, whatever they’re doing – they’re doing jihadagainst you, to do shirk… Allah says:

فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا

“Don’t listen to them.” You can’t contravene the first principal which is la illah illa Allah, BUT:

وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا

- “In this world” – leave their affair to Allah, “in this world, you must be good to them”(31:15) -

“Ma’roof”: be kind and just to them.

EVEN parents who are idol worshippers, who are mushriks, trying to force you to leave Islam, you still don’t have the right to be rude to them. If you can’t be rude to someone like that, then brothers and sisters, let us look at our own lives. When have we been rude to our mothers and fathers? When they show us love?

Oh brothers – especially the younger amongst you – Oh brothers, listen to me, and listen well:

The love that your mother and father have for you is a love you will never understand until you become a parent and are at that age. And the feeling that you have of being stifled with rules and regulations - that feeling is a feeling that you will miss - you will miss when you leave your parents’ nest. And you will be even more strict with your children when your time comes.

Don’t fool yourselves. You don’t understand the meaning of your parents’ love for you.Every rule and regulation they put upon you is because of their love for you – they want what is best for you. Every sing rule and regulation that they have upon you – every requirement, every desire – it is a desire for you, and not against you. You won’t realize it now. These are only going to be words to you. But when you have your own child, and you have raised that child in front of your eyes, and the child becomes a young man or a young woman, you will be even stricter upon that child than your parents were with you. Why? Because you’re living in this society. You know what it means to be in this world. You know the ins and outs. Therefore, you’re gonna be even more protective than your parents were.

Realize this, and pay heed to it. And understand that they only do this out of love for you.

And understand another part, which is ever more profound. And many of you will not fully comprehend it until the age comes. And that is: no matter what you think of your parents, in terms of their knowledge of this world, in terms of their knowledge of American culture, or their knowledge of civilization – no matter how you look down at them because of whatever they have or haven’t done – they have one thing that you don’t have. And that is experience – wisdom – age. Experience and wisdom is not taught in a book. You don’t learn it by studying. It comes by living through life.

And you as a 17 year old kid – you don’t know what experience is, you don’t know what wisdom is. Your mother and father have gone through life, they know what it means tolive. Even if they speak with a different accent, even if they do things that to you look backwards, they are more knowledgeable than you of the mechanisms of human life. They understand emotions better than you. They know what it means to live amongst humans, because they have done it, and you haven’t -

And a time will come – trust you me - a time will come when you will regret that you didn’t take their advice more.

Right now, for many of you who are young, you trivialize their advice. You think, my parents don’t know anything. As a 17 year old, you know everything, and they, at 50, 60, they know nothing. A time will come when you would wish that your parents were still alive, so you can call them up and get their advice. A time will come when you will realize: my parents did indeed know this best.

And this is something that, you should pray to Allah that that time comes when you are still alive. Because it is possible – it is the sunnah of Allah that children grow up, and their parents die before them – this is the sunnah of Allah, the general rule.

We should strive our best to make sure, that when our parents die, whenever that happens – and we ask Allah to give all of us a long life, we should try and strive, that when they leave this world, they leave this world pleased with us, content with us, happy with us, knowing that we have done everything we can for them.

Because it is possible a parent will die… and you haven’t done your job – you haven’t done justice. And when that happens, you can never return the clock. You can never bring them back. And you will live the rest of your life in regret and remorse, now that this door of jannah has been shut, and you don’t know whether you have entered it or not.

 

What can we do, to our parents? What can we do for them? What can we do to make them happy? If your parents are alive, first and foremost thank Allah ‘azza wa jel for this opportunity. Thank Him; rejoice that there is still chance and hope! THANK Allah that Allah has blessed you to be an adult while your parents are still alive. Do for them everything that is humanly possible.

Financially. Many of us think that financially, our wives or children take precedent – no! Islamically speaking, it is number one: the mother and father; number two: the wife and kids. We have to take care of ALL – it is our obligation as men, we have to take care of a lot of people, but number one on that list is mother and father – and that is why, when a man came to the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam complaining, “Oh ya rasool Allah, my father takes this, my father takes that,” complaining that his father would take some things of his possession. After ALL that the father has done for this son, after ALL the money and time and effort and sweat, this man came and complained that he took bits and pieces – he took trinkets from his wealth? And he’s complaining, “My father takes money without asking me?”

Do you know the response of the Rasool salla Allahu alayhi wasallam? “Anta wa maaluka li abeek.” “You and your wealth – all of it – belongs to your father.” You’re now getting angry that he’s taken a hundred dollars? A thousand dollars? After ALL that he’s done? ALL that you own belongs to your father – you and ALL of your possessions. “Anta wa maaluka li abeek.” Who are you now to come and complain that he takes a little bit from you?

And from this, scholars of fiqh have derived many, many rulings: that the father owns the property of the son, some of the fuqahaa’ said. And others disagreed with this. The point being, from this, they took many rulings of fiqh.

If they’re alive, financially, number one – it is not possible for you to eat a full meal, and your parents don’t have that. Take care of them, in any way possible. Spiritually. Make du’aa for them. Do what you can to show your love to them. If they’re with you, alhamdulillah. If they’re in another country, make sure they are taken care of. Calling them up – simple phone call – do not underestimate the joy that you will bring your mother by calling her up on the phone. Do not underestimate that. The love that she will feel, talking to her regularly. Do not underestimate the power of a conversation, and being in touch. Make sure that you do anything -

Every one of us comes from a culture and civilization – there are things that we do in that culture, to show respect to them – do those things. It is a part of your religion – it is a part of your duty to Allah, that you do this.

But if it so happens that they are no longer with you – if you Allah ‘azza wa jel has willed that they have moved on to the next life – then still, there are things that can be done.

First and foremost: du’aa. Du’aa for them. Du’aa that Allah forgives them, raises their ranks, blesses them. The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam told us, that of the best thing we can do when somebody dies is to make du’aa for them – when the parent dies, we make du’aa for them. Allah commands us in the Qur’an: make du’aa for them. The Prophet Nooh made du’aa for his parents. The Prophet Ibrahim made du’aa for his parents.

One of the sahabah, when his father died, he said: for one year, I could not think of anything to make du’aa, except for my father. ONE YEAR, every time I raised my hand, all I could do was make du’aa for him. This is a part of being a good son. Make du’aa for them.

Another thing you can do: give charity on their behalf. Give money – and you say, “Oh Allah, may the reward of this go to my mother and father.” Go for Hajj and Umrah. “May the reward of this go to my mother and father.” Sacrifice an ‘udhiya. “May the reward of this go to my mother and father.” You do what you can, financially, and you expect the reward to go to your parents, and not to yourself.

Also, you can visit their relatives, and visit their friends that you used to visit when they were alive. You visit their circle of friends, that you used to visit. And you do what you can, to bring about their memory, in that sense. Because when you go to their gatherings – your parent’s relatives, your parent’s friends – what will happen? The topic of conversation will always be your mother and father. And when that brings about, you will remember them with good, and you will pray for them.

So this, too, is part of being a dutiful son.

Basically, brothers and sisters, do what you can before it is too late. Do what you can, ALL that you can do, and there is no good deed after the worship of Allah that is more beloved than being good to the parent.

In the authentic hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam when a man came to him, wanted to do good, the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam asked, “Is your mother alive?” He said: “Yes.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said: go to her, and stick to her feet (an Arabic expression, meaning: submit yourself to her), because at her feet is jannah.” Jannah is around her feet. That’s what the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said.

I conclude this khutbah with one hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam. Where, he was climbing up the minbar, and when he got up to the last minbar [step?], he said, “Ameen.” And, when he said Ameen, the sahaba asked him, “why are you saying Ameen?” He said: Jibreel came to me and said, “Make du’aa that any man who finds his parents alive at an old age, and still does not manage to get his sins forgiven, make du’aa that he is never forgiven.” Meaning, there is no hope for the man who reaches old age with his parents, and yet does not gain the forgiveness of Allah. If you can’t be a good son, you cannot be a good Muslim. It’s that simple.

 

La ilaha ill-Allah, Muhammadur Rasulullah
No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 31 July 2009 at 6:09am
(“You have done nothing because: when she sacrificed everything for you; when she did everything that she did for you – she gave up her time, her pleasures, her health – she gave up everything she had to raise you as you are – she did it out of a pure love and joy – wanting to see you flourish, waiting so you grow up and you live a full healthy life – she did it for your life - and now that you do it in return, you are waiting for her death – doing it as a pity – doing as an equivalent, doing it in return for the favors – you’re not doing it to see her flourish and live.
 
You’re doing it as a sense of guilt, trying to pay back what she’s done, and waiting for her death, so she is literally off your back.”)
 
That's very true
 
Thank you for posting that sister
 
Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 01 August 2009 at 1:25pm
Another quote from the above post:

This is the decree of Allah – the eternal decree of Allah: be good go your parents.

What does it mean, be good? Allah mentions the word ihsaan. Ihsaan is the highest level of good. There is no level, there is no word in the Arabic language that gives the meaning of ihsaan. And the famous linguist of the Arabic language by the name of al-Raaghib al-Asfahaani, very famous ‘aalim of the Arabic language, he said that ihsaan is a state. It is not an action – it is not a deed, it is a state of mind, it is a frame of relationship, in which you give the most that you can, and you expect the least in return.

You give your utmost being, this is what ihsaan is. You do everything you possibly, physically, spiritually, emotionally, can. What do you want back from the party? The least amount: nothing. You do it out of ihsaan. That is what ihsaan is

Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 02 August 2009 at 9:29pm

Parents: Your Gate to God's Mercy

Islam teaches that respect of parents is a primary and sacred obligation. If you do not respect your parents, you are disobeying God Almighty. Those who treat their parents badly eventually are treated badly by others.

From the very moment of conception, a growing and developing child is a care and responsibility for its parents. One cannot estimate the depth of attachment and compassion parents feel for their children, or calculate the troubles and hardships they endure because of them. For this reason, respecting parents is a debt of human gratitude as well as a religious obligation.

Those who value their parents and regard them as a means to obtain God's mercy are the most prosperous in both worlds. Those who regard their parents' existence as a burden, or who become weary of them, inevitably suffer the most severe hardship in life.

The more you respect your parents, the greater the respect and awe you feel before your Creator. If you do not feel and show respect to your parents, this means that you feel no fear, awe, or respect toward God. Yet, it is a curious thing today that both those who disrespect God as well as those who claim they love God, disobey their parents. ............

http://www.readingislam.com/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1248187313816&pagename=Zone-English-Discover_Islam/DIELayout&ref=body

 

Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Bill2702  
Super Mureed
Super Mureed
Avatar
Golly goo deaf hello
Religion: Unknown(Unknown)
Posts: 8305
Forum Rating: 0
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Bill2702 Replybullet Posted: 02 August 2009 at 10:46pm
Yet Tarek, not every parent is worthy of respect or obedience. Who gets to decide?
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 03 August 2009 at 9:19am
Whether a certain parent is worthy of respect or not is a non-issue in Islam
 
One's parents are one's parents, no one can change that
 
As long as they don't ask their son or daughter to do something which is against the teachings of Islam, one has to do one's best to obey them out of kindness, mercy and respect  
 
If for whatever reason one still feels the barrier you describe, then one should think of the kindness towards them as dealing with God and obeying His commands, irrespective of anything else
 
Sometimes that needs a lot of patience, but remember that God loves those who are kind and patient ............
 
Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
a well wisher  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 8664
Forum Rating: 0
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2009 at 2:39pm

 
 
A man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and children, and my father wants to take all of my wealth.’ The Prophet said, ‘You and your wealth are for your father. Your children are among your best earnings, so take from what your children earn.’
(Imam Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah)

Imam al-Khattabi commented: “He wants to take all my wealth means that he wanted to take it all and leave nothing. It appears that the reason why the man asked this question was that he was having to spend on his father, and the amount required would consume all of his wealth, not just what he had to spare. The Prophet did not give him the permission to stop spending on his father, but told him, ‘You and your wealth are for your father,’ which means that if your father needed all of your wealth, he will take as much as he needs, as if he were taking from his own wealth. If you do not have any accumulated wealth, but you have an income, you should earn money and spend it on him.”



Edited by a well wisher - 09 August 2009 at 2:40pm
La ilaha ill-Allah, Muhammadur Rasulullah
No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Al-Cordoby  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Moderator
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 27702
Forum Rating: 159
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 22 August 2009 at 9:58pm

The Prophet's Mercy Towards the Elderly

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), was a pioneer in this field. He taught caring for the elderly irrespective of sex, color, or religion, and he himself set a great example in practicing the principles he taught. This article highlights Islamic teachings related to treating the elderly, and gives glimpses of how the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) put them in effect.

A Duty of the Young

Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If a young man honors an elderly on account of his age, Allah appoints someone to honor him in his old age." (At-Tirmidhi; ranked hasan by Al-Albani)

The Prophet here advises the young of the Muslim society, who will be tomorrow's elderly, to honor the elderly. Continuous application of this Prophetic advice helps bridge the gap between generations and spreads an atmosphere of love and understanding between the young and the old. Consider here also the generalization in the Prophet's words: "If a young man honors an elderly;" the hadith requires honoring the elderly regardless of their color or religion ......

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1181062629966&pagename=Zone-English-Living_Shariah%2FLSELayout

Think Win-Win for a better world for all...

My Blog
Muslim Heritage

No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
a well wisher  
Admin Group
Admin Group
Avatar
Religion: Islam(Muslim)
Posts: 8664
Forum Rating: 0
Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 23 August 2009 at 1:23pm

The Challenge of Death and Dying: Caring for Aging Parents

For those who have inherited a family configuration in which caring for elderly parents is very much part of a central aspect of living, it is very important to know how to be with the dying process in the elderly. And for those who are simply loving the ones who are preparing to pass out of their physical existence, it is also important to know how to be with death and dying as a part of life.
 
The process of dying is one of the great stages of learning of the human soul, often met with fear and resistance, yet even in the presence of these, filled with the growth of the soul in its appreciation of its relationship to life.

There is no one way to experience dying so that it produces the maximum amount of growth. For some, the sense of flow from one aspect of life to another is intuitively felt, even if nothing in the earlier stages of life has been articulated as a spiritual belief about the afterlife. For others, there is a well-defined understanding and sometimes experience of the continuity of life, so that apart from the pain or discomfort that may be present during the final stage of physical life, there is no fear. For still others, there is a sense of confusion about the end of life – a perplexity about anticipating non-existence. Often, the idea of death has been imposed on the psyche from the past and includes the notion that there is a kind of black-out of consciousness in which everything ends. And yet, even though this may make sense to the mind, it is perplexing to the heart which cannot comprehend such an idea.

Over and over again, a person who is trying to make sense of the experience of dying is pondering the question of what happens next, whether they are actively doing so in a conscious way or not. It is the main question of the last stage of life for many, especially for those who have not yet come to a conclusion which leaves them with a sense of peace. Even in the presence of denial concerning death's approach, or of anger that life has been 'cut short', or in the presence of the desire to just keep living without any thought of the future - even in the presence of each of these attitudes, the underlying process of trying to deal with the perplexity concerning the end of life is taking place.

For those who have inherited a family configuration in which caring for elderly parents is very much part of a central aspect of living, it is very important to know how to be with the dying process in the elderly. And for those who are simply loving the ones who are preparing to pass out of their physical existence, it is also important to know how to be with this stage of experience and of life.

What is crucial to remember and to trust is that the process of learning and of absorbing the meaning of death and of life is happening even if the elderly parent or loved one gives no sign that this is so. It is happening on the level of the deeper consciousness or soul, even if it is not happening outwardly or in a way that can be articulated. The deeper self is reaching out toward light and truth, and though the outer self may not understand that there is an answer to the question of "why?" – why death, why life - the inner being knows that there is. .......
 
 
La ilaha ill-Allah, Muhammadur Rasulullah
No Guest-Voting   IP IP Logged
Page  of 4 Next >>
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Bulletin Board Software by Web Wiz Forums version 8.03
Copyright ©2001-2006 Web Wiz Guide
Disclaimer
The opinions expressed by members of the Whyislam Forum do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of the Whyislam Team, or any of its subsidiaries, or parent organizations.