Islam is the religion of compassion and justice, a religion that teaches perfect morals and forbids bad conduct, a religion that grants man his dignity if he adheres to the laws of Allah.

There can be no doubt that Islam has given the elderly a special status, as there are texts which urge Muslims to respect and honor them. Care of the elderly in Islam is based on a number of focal points, including the following:

1. Man is an honored creature and has an honorable status in Islam.

Allah says: “And indeed We have honored the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with lawful good things, and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preferment” (Al-Israa’: 70).

So the elderly, as children of Adam, are included in this high status, based on the general meaning of this verse.

2. Muslim society is the society of mutual compassion and coherence.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described the believers as being like a single body. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy, and compassion is that of the body; if one part of it complains, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever” (Muslim).

The Prophet is also reported to have said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” (Al-Bukhari). He also said: “The Most Merciful has mercy on those who are merciful. Be merciful to those who are on earth so that the One Who is in heaven will have mercy on you” (At-Tirmidhi).

3. The Muslim society is a society of cooperation and mutual support. ...

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Part of glorifying Allah is honoring the grey-haired Muslim” (Abu Dawud). .......

These are the way in which the Muslim society takes care of the elderly.

a. Enjoining good treatment of parents

b. Enjoining honoring one’s parents’ friends, even after the parents have passed away, and regarding that as part of honoring one’s parents.

'The best way of honoring one’s parents is for the son to keep in touch with his father’s friends.’” ........

This is one of the forms of elder care in Islam. When the members of the Muslim society visit the friends of their parents they help to include the elderly in society and put an end to the isolation they feel, which in turn reduces the impact of the social and psychological changes that the elderly go through

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503548072

 

From Surah al-Rahman are the glorious words of our Creator: "Then which of the favors of your Lord will your deny?"

Yet how often we deny the greatest of favors that the Bestower has granted us. This favor, in the form of a woman......

A woman who carried us within her for almost a whole year of her short life in this world, bearing every hardship and discomfort to protect and nurture our frail being as the Fashioner gently prepared us to come into this worldly realm....

A woman who braved death's door, embracing pain unimaginable to even the most stalwart of warriors, that our tiny form may chance to take its first breath, open its eyes to the light of a new home, and feel her warm, soft caress, as she forgets all that she went through, to make comfortable our awakening into a new world....

A woman who had forsaken rest, slumber, and dreams for far too many nights; to rise instead, and answer the pitiful wail of a helpless creature that always new she would be there to answer its plaintive cry, even as the whole world slumbered on into the dead of the night......

A woman who bore weakness to give forth from her being, a pure and heavenly nectar to nourish our growing bodies and our thirsty souls with sustenance to define our humanity ever onward......

A woman who watered and pruned our character with all the patience and care of a master gardener turning a wild shrub into a beautiful tree.......

A woman who was always there for us, no matter how many backs were turned to us, no matter how many doors closed in our face, to give us a shoulder to cry on, an ear to heed our complaint, a comforting bosom to embrace when there was no other.......

A woman who, even after all of our blunders, all of our impudence, all of our ungrateful gestures and insolent remarks, will not hesitate to say I forgive you when no one else in the world will....

A woman who we call Mother.

If we only knew her lofty station in the sight of He whose mercy is endless, a single portion of which He showered upon the world and it manifested itself as the undying compassion of the mother to her child.

"THEN WHICH OF THE FAVORS OF YOUR LORD DO YOU DENY?"

To deny is to show ingratitude. To show ingratitude is to lose one's blessings......like sand flowing through one's fingers.

To show ingratitude to the all Merciful is to show ingratitude to the means He creates out of His endless mercy. WHAT OF THE MEANS WHICH BROUGHT US INTO THE WORLD?

If one's mother is alive, then cry out of thankfulness to Allah, go to her, sit at her feet, kiss her on the forehead, look her in the eyes and tell her how blessed you are for someone like her......

Tell her how much you love her.....

And never forget the immortal words of our beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):

"Paradise is under the feet of the mother...."

 

 

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Three supplications are answered without a doubt: the supplication of someone who is oppressed, the supplication of someone on a journey, and the supplication of parents for their children."

Abu Hurayra reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "No human child has ever spoken in the cradle except for 'Isa ibn Maryam, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and the companion of Jurayj." Abu Hurayra asked, "Prophet of Allah, who was the companion of Jurayj?" The Prophet replied, "Jurayj was a monk who lived in a hermitage. There was a cowherd who used to come to the foot of his hermitage and a woman from the village used to come to the cowherd.

"One day his mother came while he was praying and called out, 'Jurayj!' He asked himself, 'My mother or my prayer?' He concluded that he should prefer the prayer. She shouted to him a second time and he again asked himself, 'My mother or my prayer?' He thought that he should prefer the prayer. She shouted a third time and yet again he asked himself, 'My mother or my prayer?' He again concluded that he should prefer the prayer. When he did not answer her, she said, 'Jurayj, may Allah not let you die until you have looked at the faces of the beautiful women.' Then she left.

"Then the village woman was brought before the king after she had given birth to a child. He asked, 'Whose is it?' 'Jurayj's,' she replied. He asked, 'The man in the hermitage?' 'Yes,' she answered. He ordered, 'Destroy his hermitage and bring him to me.' They hacked at his hermitage with axes until it collapsed. They bound his hand to his neck with a rope and took him along to the king. When he passed by the beautiful women, he saw them and smiled. They were looking at him along with the people.

"The king asked, 'Do you know what this woman claims?' 'What does she claim?' he asked. He replied, 'She claims that you are the father of her child.' He asked her, 'Where is the child?' They replied, 'It is in her room.' He went to the child and said, 'Who is your father?' 'The cowherd,' he replied. The king said, 'Shall we build your hermitage out of gold?' 'No,' he replied. He asked, 'Of silver?' 'No,' he replied. The king asked, 'What shall we build it with?' He said, 'Put it back the way you found it.' Then the king asked, 'What made you smile.' 'Something I recognised,' he replied, 'The supplication of my mother overtook me.' Then he told him about it."

 

Taken from Parents: Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari

 

 

 

The case you describe is however a bit complicated, as in theory it's the duty of both sons, or at least one of them, to take care of their elderly parent, before it being the responsibility of the extended family

 

If the two sons agree that the one who lives in the same country will take care of their parent, while the second son who is living abroad will help say with financial support, that's an acceptable arrangement

 

If however they both refuse to take care of their elederly parent who needs support, and if the extended family can't manage it themselves, then in theory they would have some justification in doing what they can to convince the son who lives in the same country to bear his responsibility

 

But there is another way out: if the son does not want to marry the girl they want him to marry, and he is able to take his parent into his own home when he marries his fiance, then the problem would be solved

 

Can he do that?