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Al-Cordoby  
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 08 January 2011 at 12:42am
Originally posted by Squeegie

I can come out and explain that a nuclear blast has just happened in the back room. My hubby, with three semesters of seminary and a counseling degree under his belt, could give me an answer to the problem in the back room, but if he does so before hearing me out, there's as likely to be a nuclear blast in the living room as well.
 
If that's the case, one must be very careful
 
Any warnings on the wall?
 
 
 
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Squeegie Replybullet Posted: 08 January 2011 at 7:32am
No, he's very good about living out the precept given in 1 Peter 3:7- live with your wife in an understanding manner

Edited by Squeegie - 08 January 2011 at 7:32am
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 14 January 2011 at 1:57am
This video by Baba Ali explains how men deal with stress
 
 
(4 minutes)
 
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote talib84 Replybullet Posted: 17 January 2011 at 7:33am
Originally posted by Al-Cordoby

One of the things Mark mentions in his talk is that when men are stressed, they need to go to their "nothing" box, and not talk about it, whereas when women are stressed they must talk about it ....
 
Then I must be a woman in a man's body .
"To be sure, Jesus will come and will restore all things. But I tell you, Jesus has already come, and they did not recognize him, but have done to him everything they wished."
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 09 February 2011 at 3:26pm

The Trouble With Bright Girls

For women, ability doesn’t always lead to confidence. Here’s why

Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage.   We are routinely underestimated, underutilized, and even underpaid.  Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers.

But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within.  We judge our own abilities not only more harshly, but fundamentally differently, than men do.   Understanding why we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong.  And to do that, we need to take a step back in time.

Chances are good that if you are a successful professional today, you were a pretty bright fifth grade girl.  My graduate advisor, psychologist Carol Dweck (author of Mindset) conducted a series of studies in the 1980s, looking at how bright girls and boys in the fifth grade handled new, difficult and confusing material.

She found that bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up - and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel.  In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses.  Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it energizing.  They were more likely to redouble their efforts, rather than giving up.

Researchers have uncovered the reason for this difference in how difficulty is interpreted, and it is simply this:  more often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice. 

How often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to goals you knew would be easy for you to reach?  Are there things you decided long ago that you could never be good at?  Skills you believed you would never possess?  If the list is a long one, you were probably one of the Bright Girls  - and your belief that you are "stuck" being exactly as you are has done more to determine the course of your life than you probably ever imagined.  Which would be fine, if your abilities were innate and unchangeable.  Only they're not.

No matter the ability - whether it's intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism - studies show them to be profoundly malleable.  When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot.    So if you were a Bright Girl, it's time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago.

 http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201101/the-trouble-bright-girls

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 11 February 2011 at 6:02pm
He Speaks, She Speaks -The Crying Game

A gender communication specialist unravels the mystery of how men and women communicate.
 

Women learn pretty early on in life that men can get uncomfortable when faced with a crying woman, and will often do just about anything to stem the flow of tears. His level of discomfort sky rockets as the sobs increase. He learns he has to keep that box of tissues handy anytime a potentially delicate issue or conflict has to be addressed. Usually, from his perspective her motivation for tears may fall into one of these three categories: hormone, manipulation or sincere emotion. Crying is a foreign concept to most men, and it can be hard to navigate a situation charged with emotion and tears. One of the biggest mistakes men make in conflict is perceiving a woman's tears as an indication of sadness. Then the man begins to console the woman. She may respond by getting snappy, because he has misread the cue. Underneath a woman's tears is seldom sadness but rather anger! Although the man is experiencing a high discomfort level with her tears, he needs to get at the anger she is feeling.

Women are taught to be "highly expressive" that is, they can express all their emotions, especially by crying. Emotions are a female trademark, but men report having feelings just as often as women. They just don't express them.

Girls and boys cry about the same amount of times until they reach the age of twelve, by the time they are eighteen women cry on average four times more than men. That is about 5.3 cries a month compared to a man's 1.4 times per month according to research by Dr. William Frey who studies tears.

So the old belief is true, women do cry more than men. But scientists still do not know exactly why this is true. One theory is that women cry more than men mostly because of social conditioning. As males are growing up they are urged to excel and become powerful, to never show their emotions, to be tough, independent, demanding, aggressive and good problem-solvers.

Males in our culture often hear things like, "big boys don't cry" or "take it like a man."

In an analysis of 500,000 adults, men rated just as high as women in emotional awareness. But men process and express emotions differently than women, and they have no roadmap for how to combine the masculine requirement of being strong and emotional at the same time. A woman cries and a man loses his temper; that seems to be the pervasive theme in many conflicts. Men and women react differently; she shows her vulnerability and he must remain in control.

Yet a woman gets into risky business when she cries, especially at work. She is often perceived in one of two ways. First, she is weak, emotional, and out of control. Second, she is using her tears as emotional blackmail, a form of manipulation, and he resents it. For a woman, crying is a no-win situation.

This is a dilemma for women, because the tears may flow naturally when we are worked up

85 percent of women and 73 percent of men said that they felt better after crying, which shows that tears may help remove chemicals that build up after stress according to Frey. Also scientists and sociologists both say that women are more inclined than men to feel the urge to cry when they are frustrated.

This may lead to problems for women in certain situations at work. Researchers at Pennsylvania State University found that men's tears are viewed more positively than women's. This is because men are found crying less frequently.

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 08 May 2011 at 12:19pm
Male/Female Differences Offer Insight Into Brain Development

In nearly all neuropsychiatric disorders there are differences in prevalence and age of onset between males and females. In illnesses such as schizophrenia, the symptom profile and response to treatment differs markedly between males and females. Despite these observations, according to speakers at a recent workshop on sex differences in the brain, scientists in many cases are studying mostly males in their animal research on the brain, or including both sexes, but not examining whether they differ.

Brain-based male/female differences—a frequent topic of popular media coverage—in fact offer an invaluable scientific opportunity for learning how the circuitry of the brain develops. Speakers at the NIMH-sponsored workshop, “Sex Differences in Brain, Behavior, Mental Health and Mental Disorders,” offered a series of provocative findings and a view of the potential this work has for revealing how genes, hormones and experience shape the developing brain.

Several speakers talked about sex hormone effects on learning and memory. Dr. Larry Cahill, University of California, Irvine, noted that, in women, stress hormones affect memory differently, depending on the phase of the menstrual cycle. Men and women viewing emotionally charged films show activation of different sides of the amygdala, a part of the brain that is central to emotional memory: in men, the right amygdala is activated, in women, the left amygdala is activated. Even the activity of the amygdala at rest is different in men and women. Dr. Tracey Shors of Rutgers University reported that, in work with rats, stress improves learning in males, but impairs it in females.

Even prenatally, stress has different effects on male and female offspring. Dr. Tracy Bale, at the University of Pennsylvania, reported on research in mice showing that maternal stress early in pregnancy affected how male offspring responded to stressful situations; they responded more like females. This work suggests differences in effects of early vs. late prenatal stress and may offer clues to why prenatal stress is associated with greater risk of such disorders as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia and autism.

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 24 February 2012 at 2:51am

Girls' Verbal Skills Make Them Better at Arithmetic, Study Finds

ScienceDaily (Feb. 23, 2012) — While boys generally do better than girls in science and math, some studies have found that girls do better in arithmetic.

A new study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that the advantage comes from girls' superior verbal skills.

"People have always thought that males' advantage is in math and spatial skills, and girls' advantage is in language," says Xinlin Zhou of Beijing Normal University, who cowrote the study with Wei Wei, Hao Lu, Hui Zhao, and Qi Dong of Beijing Normal University and Chuansheng Chen of the University of California-Irvine. "However, some parents and teachers in China say girls do arithmetic better than boys in primary school."

Zhou and his colleagues did a series of tests with children ages 8 to 11 at 12 primary schools in and around Beijing. Indeed, girls outperformed boys in many math skills.

They were better at arithmetic, including tasks like simple subtraction and complex multiplication. Girls were also better at numerosity comparison -- making a quick estimate of which of two arrays had more dots in it. Girls outperformed boys at quickly recognizing the larger of two numbers and at completing a series of numbers (like "2 4 6 8").
Boys performed better at mentally rotating three-dimensional images...

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120223133012.htm

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 28 March 2012 at 9:25am
 
Love or Science? A Young Woman’s Dilemma

A recent series of research studies found that women are lured away from math and science by their desire for romance.  This research is fascinating on two levels.  First, because it highlights a difference between the genders as researchers found that women, but not men, would express less motivation to pursue a career in science, technology, engineering or math if they were prompted to think about romantic goals.

Secondly, because the study used simple images and overheard conversations to stimulate different goals (romantic goals vs. intelligence goals,) it highlights how easily our motivation can be influenced by subtle cues in our environment that we may not even be aware of.

The researchers’ hypothesis came from investigating the reason why, in spite of greater-than-ever gender equality in our society, the fields of science, technology, engineering and math continue to be predominantly male endeavors.  The researchers hypothesize that when women are prioritizing their goals for romance (as many young college age women are likely to do) they would steer away from career decisions that might lead them to traditionally masculine workplace roles.

I’m not sure I agree with this hypothesis, but it would be easy enough to test to see if the same finding can be found in men who are prompted to think about romance and then evaluated for their preference to pursue nursing or teaching careers.  I suspect there may be other factors at play.

Regardless, the most interesting part of this research is what it tells us about goal activation and pursuit.  These studies support other research that has been done on how exposure to certain objects, images or settings can influence how goals get prioritized and pursued.  People who are exposed to business paraphernalia, (briefcases vs. backpacks for example) tend to be more competitive and less generous.  You can imagine how being surrounded by these cues in an office setting could change your behavior in substantial ways. Another study found that people exposed to an Apple logo demonstrated more creativity than those exposed to an IBM logo. 

In psychology circles, this is known as “priming”—exposing someone to a subtle stimulus, which has been programmed through previous exposure to change intentions and behavior.  Subtle, but powerful . . . and kind of scary when you think about how your free will could be manipulated. 

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 07 March 2013 at 8:01am

Making Ethical Choices

Harvard psychologist Carol Gilligan believes that differences in ethic perspective are related to gender—that is, that men and women follow different but parallel paths of moral development that lead them to make their ethical choice based on different ethical criteria.

According to Gilligan, some people base ethical decisions on principles of justice, equality, impartiality, and rights. This is the justice perspective. But others base their decisions on a care perspective, which the need to preserve relationship and minimize hurt takes precedence over considerations of justice and rights. The care perspective places special significance on attachment and compassion, Gilligan writes, "the moral injunction not to act unfairly toward others, and not to turn away from someone in need, capture these different concerns."

Gilligan developed her theories about differences in ethical perspective in response to another Harvard psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg, whose early findings suggested that men more often reached, the higher levels of moral development than women. Her research, then, pose challenges not only for other researcher interested in moral development, but also for social scientists exploring the differences between men and women.

Kohlberg postulated that there were three levels of moral maturity. At the earliest and least mature level, children typically define right and wrong in terms of what authority figures tell them is right and wrong, or in terms of what results in reward or punishment.

The second level is typical of adolescents who tend to base right and wrong on loyalties to their family and friends. The third and most mature level is achieved when a person comes to rely on universal and abstract ethical principles, such as the principles of justice or equality, that impartially take into account the interests of all persons.

Gilligan's research over the past eleven years suggests that women tend to be more concerned than men with maintaining good relationships with their family and friends, and with minimizing hurt to those whom they care about, characteristic of Kohlberg's second level of moral maturity. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to look at moral issues from the standpoint of impartial and impersonal principles, characteristic of the third and most mature level. By implication then, women appear—according to the standards developed by Kohlberg—to reach the third and most mature level much less frequently than men, and therefore to be less morally developed than men.

But Gilligan's work challenges this interpretation. The problem, she claims, is not women, but the theory of moral development that Kohlberg worked out.

Kohlberg's theory canonized the justice perspective favored by males because he and most of his subjects were male. Gilligan's research on women revealed, however, that a care perspective could also be a morally mature stage of moral reasoning, but one that is more favored by females.

Gilligan's research shows that women, more than men, view themselves as part of a network of relationships and feel that sustaining these relationships is a moral imperative. Central to this "female ethic" are notions of care and responsibility for others. By contrast, the "male ethic" of Kohlberg's third level is one based on abstract, impersonal principles.

Gilligan argues that for most women, progress toward moral maturity is marked by changes in the focus of caring, not by the development of the abstract, impersonal principles that Kohlberg proposes.

In the care perspective, the earliest level of moral development, she claims, is one marked by a concern with caring only for oneself. At the second level, others become the focus of caring. At the third level of moral development, the morally mature person achieves a balance between caring for others and caring for oneself.

"Progress from stage to stage is motivated, in part, by the individual's increasing understanding of human relationships, and, in part, by the attempt to maintain one's own integrity and care for one's self without neglecting others. Throughout this process, women regard themselves as selves-in-relation."

At the highest level of moral development, write philosophers Diana Meyers and Eva Feder Kittay, the care perspective embraces a "morality of nonviolence" that "leads to a universal condemnation of exploitation and hurt."

Gilligan admits, however, that both perspectives are valid, in fact complementary. She argues that "a shift in the focus of attention from concerns about justice to concerns about care changes the definition of what constitutes a moral problem, and leads the same situation to be seen in different ways."

Theoretically, writes Gilligan, "the distinction between justice and care cuts across the familiar divisions between thinking and feeling, egoism and altruism, theoretical and practical reasoning. It calls attention to the fact that all human relationships, public and private, can be characterized both in terms of equality and in terms of attachment, and that both inequality and detachment constitute grounds for moral concern."

"Gilligan's work provides a psychological frame that enables us to understand the psychology of the gender gap," observes psychologist Dorothy Austin. "By defining a distinctly different mode of moral reasoning, Gilligan allows us to rethink the male notion of patriotic sacrifice, and the notion of the 'other' as enemy." That, she says, may help to explain why men are willing to sacrifice their lives in battle, while women are willing to sacrifice themselves to preserve the lives of their children.

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 09 March 2013 at 4:32pm
"Looking Back to Look Forward: Revisiting In a Different Voice."
 
Looking back now, it is perhaps easier to see that my title, In a Different Voice, calls for a new way of speaking, a change in the very terms of the conversation about ourselves and morality, women and men—about the human condition.
 
At the time I wrote In a Different Voice, I was aware of a problem in psychology that was in part a problem of method (the selection of boys and men only for studies of human development) and partly a problem of theory (a point of view from which men’s lives appeared interesting and women’s more or less of a mess). Clearly there was a problem, but in some ways the most interesting thing—at least to a psychologist’s eye—was that it had not been seen. Since I was among those who hadn’t seen it, despite the fact that I was teaching psychology, I asked: How could this have happened? In one sense, I was discovering the obvious.
 
Gender proved the tell-tale clue, not by locating the problem in women or men, but by pointing to where all this was coming from. A colleague in anthropology used to say that culture appears in the unspoken. Culture is the way of seeing and speaking that is so much a part of everyday living that it never has to be articulated. Fish don’t know they are swimming in water, until they are a fish out of water. It is when culture shifts that we recognize the ocean in which we have been drenched. What we had taken as natural or taken for granted becomes instead one way of seeing and speaking. By the 1970s, I along with many others had come to John Berger’s realization: “Never again will a single story be taken as though it’s the only one.”
 
In the changing culture of that time, in my early days of teaching, I heard myself respond to a woman’s question by saying, “That’s a great question, but it’s not what we’re talking about here.” And then found myself wondering, who is this “we” and what are we talking about? Reasonable questions at any time, but at the height of the women’s movement, I realized that I had aligned myself with a cultural standpoint from which women’s questions, however great, were for the most part beside the point. Writing In a Different Voice, I broke this alignment, divorcing myself from ways of speaking that portrayed men as humans and women as different. I realized that neither men nor women were noticing the omission of girls and women, or seeing it as a problem. Psychologists had assumed a culture in which men were the measure of humanity, and autonomy and rationality (“masculine” qualities) were the markers of maturity. It was a culture that counted on women not speaking for themselves.
 
Given the value of care and caring and the costs of carelessness, why is an ethic of care still embattled? What is the justice vs. care debate about? And what is the relationship of all this to women? Why are women’s voices still in the forefront in bringing these matters to our attention?In the gendered universe of patriarchy, care is a feminine ethic, not a universal one. Caring is what good women do, and the people who care are doing women’s work. They are devoted to others, responsive to their needs, attentive to their voices. They are selfless.To all these men—Freud and Erikson, Piaget and Kohlberg—women appeared deficient in development. Women’s investment in relationships was considered to be at the expense of a clear sense of self and women’s emotional responsiveness was said to compromise their capacity to think rationally and judge objectively. Thus the paradox noted in In a Different Voice: the very qualities that distinguished women’s moral goodness, their relational sensitivity and empathic concern, marked them as deficient in development.
 
Listening to women thus led me to make a distinction I have come to see as pivotal to understanding care ethics. Within a patriarchal framework, care is a feminine ethic. Within a democratic framework, care is a human ethic.
 
In the years since I wrote In a Different Voice, research in the human sciences has changed our understanding of the human condition. In The Age of Empathy (2010), the primatologist Frans de Waal calls for “a complete overhaul of assumptions about human nature” (p. 7), noting that these assumptions have been skewed by the emphasis on competition and aggression. His research provides extensive evidence of the empathic nature of primates including humans, and scientists more generally now speak of “emotional intelligence,” the “relational self,” and the “feeling brain.” The old gender binaries are coming undone. But in this changing conversation, a history tends to be lost or rewritten: these insights came initially from listening to women who joined reason with emotion, self with relationship, mind with body. In an age of climate change, pandemics, and nuclear weapons, interdependence has become self-evident. And with this recognition, it becomes obvious, as Patricia Papperman writes, that “There is nothing exceptional about vulnerable people.” Vulnerability, once associated with women, is a characteristic of humans.
 
Looking forward then, we can expect a struggle. As long as the different voice sounds different, the tensions between democracy and patriarchy continue. Once the ethic of care is released from its subsidiary position within a justice framework, it can guide us by framing the struggle in a way that clarifies what is at stake and by illuminating a path of resistance grounded not in ideology but in our humanity. If along the path we lose our way, we can remind ourselves to listen for voice, to pay attention to how things are gendered, and to remember that within ourselves we have the ability to spot a false story.
 
La ilaha ill-Allah, Muhammadur Rasulullah
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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote a well wisher Replybullet Posted: 30 July 2013 at 10:08pm

Why Men Need Women

WHAT makes some men miserly and others generous? What motivated Bill Gates, for example, to make more than $28 billion in philanthropic gifts while many of his billionaire peers kept relatively tightfisted control over their personal fortunes?

New evidence reveals a surprising answer. The mere presence of female family members — even infants — can be enough to nudge men in the generous direction.

In a provocative 2007 presentation in San Francisco, the psychologist Roy Baumeister asked, “Is there anything good about men?” (The short answer, if you haven’t read “Demonic Males,” by Dale Peterson and Richard Wrangham, is not much.) But our saving grace, Professor Baumeister argues, is that across a wide range of attributes, “men go to extremes more than women.” Men are responsible for the lion’s share of the worst acts of aggression and selfishness, but they also engage in some of the most extreme acts of helping and generosity.

On this point, the economists James Andreoni at the University of California, San Diego, and Lise Vesterlund at the University of Pittsburgh report evidence that whereas many women prefer to share evenly, “men are more likely to be either perfectly selfish or perfectly selfless.” It may be that meaningful contact with women is one of the forces that tilt men toward greater selflessness.

THE warming effect of women on men has important implications for education and work. In schools, we need to think carefully about how we organize children into groups. In 1971, in the wake of Texas school desegregation, Elliot Aronson, a psychologist at the University of California, Santa Cruz, validated a simple but powerful approach to reducing stereotypes and prejudice.

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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Al-Cordoby Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2013 at 2:12am

WATCH: A Fascinating Peek Into a Baby's Brain

Cute, precious... brilliant?

You bet. Behind that adorable facade, your baby is performing complex calculations in an effort to figure out how exactly this crazy world of ours works.

Discover surprising research about babies' intelligence and find out why we adults might want to take a page from their book.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tedtalks/alison-gopnik-tedtalk_b_4153090.html?utm_hp_ref=tw


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Rating: 0 of 0 votes Quote Damo808 Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2013 at 3:59am
Perhaps our brains evolved in tune with survival instincts from the stone-age or whenever. Where early men if they showed any sign of 'having problems'  could give of signs of weakness to  rivals, and diminish his manliness to his female counterpart/s. Women instinctively seek stability <<??? and would tend to have sought a suitable souter which would have meant a fit man, or a tribal elder, either which is a sign of potential stability and protection.

 Caveman hangover in men ?
out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be the ruler in Israel: and his going forth is from the beginning, from the days of eternity. Micah 5:5
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